The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
two words...techno handjob
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
