R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Can you bring me the toilet please
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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