her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
