i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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