dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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