So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
