The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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