I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
