i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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