God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
