Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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