I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You were trust falling into bushes
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
