In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
