Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
