My nipple is on Facebook.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Houston, we have a squirter
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just gargled with NyQuil
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
