I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
