Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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