I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
