go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I wish i was in the wii world.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
