If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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