come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
