You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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