I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
