the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
