I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
