yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
