what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
