you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Randomize
