Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
