I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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