Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
