I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
