She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
