His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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