Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
