I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
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