he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
