Are we in a gay sports bar?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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