i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
