I'm so fucking centered right now
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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