You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
worst night to have a conscience
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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