U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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