I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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