Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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