If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
