Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
