He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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