i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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