I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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