evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
