I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
