You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Randomize
