How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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