That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
