dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
